In today’s fast-paced world, happiness is often portrayed as the ultimate goal. People chase fleeting moments of joy, often equating them with a sense of fulfilment. But happiness is a transient emotion, subject to external circumstances, and can be elusive. Congruence, on the other hand, goes beyond the ephemeral nature of happiness. It is about living a life that is consistent with our core values and beliefs.
Pursuing congruence involves aligning our thoughts, words and actions, decisions, and relationships with our true selves. This pursuit requires introspection, self-awareness, and the courage to look inward and make difficult choices that bring us closer to who we want to be at our core. Contentment and inner peace are not only more attainable but also more sustainable than constant happiness. When we live in accordance with our values and beliefs, we experience a deep sense of contentment that can endure through life’s ups and downs. Inner peace arises when we no longer wrestle with inner conflicts resulting from the misalignment of our actions and values. Morten Albæk writes about this in his book, “One Life, How We Forgot to Live Meaningful Lives”. A book that shares valuable life insights into the complex interplay between happiness and the pursuit of congruence, contentment, and inner peace and underscores the importance of living a life that is both fulfilling and aligned with our deepest values. Summarising that:
“Never before in history have, we been more educated, wealthier, and lived longer with more opportunities in life. Conversely, we have never been more stressed, anxious, depressed or lonely.”
The book encourages us to prioritize the pursuit of a life that is true to ourselves, even when it might not always bring immediate happiness. In the long run, this commitment to congruence can lead to a profound and lasting sense of contentment and inner peace.
Morten Albæk also states that work-life balance is a misguided and essentially meaningless distinction because we live one big, complex life. It is a manipulation to think we can ‘split time’. In fact, we live one life, in one time. If we divide time, we divide life, which means we divide ourselves and therefore also lack congruence. This recent article from Bloomberg highlights that:
“Only 30% of people with an investable wealth of more than $1 million in Singapore find themselves happy with their work-life balance, the lowest among high net-worth individuals in the region surveyed by Switzerland’ Banque Lombard Odier & Cie SA”. Bloomberg article
Singapore — home to some of the wealthiest in Asia reports some of the lowest levels of happiness concerning work-life balance, or as per what I prefer to say — life balance. This phenomenon is not unique to Singapore and can be observed worldwide. In a fast-paced world, where economic prosperity and success are celebrated, it’s easy to lose track (or not even know or reflect on) the purpose and the why behind what you do. As Albæk argues, we lack the ability to distinguish between satisfaction, happiness and meaning. Satisfaction is the meeting of a need. Happiness is the experience of everything coming together beautifully in one moment. Meaning is neither of those: it is the feeling that your life has dignity and hope based on self-worth and self-respect.
The idea that money equates to happiness is a common fallacy that can lead to a lack of congruence in one’s life. Congruence is about ensuring that your values align with your actions. It’s the harmony between what you believe in and how you live your life. In the pursuit of wealth, people often compromise their values or focus solely on financial success. Without an understanding of our own strengths, weaknesses, and desires, it’s challenging to make decisions that are in harmony with our authentic selves. Self-awareness allows people to identify what truly matters to them, thereby fostering congruence and reducing the likelihood of experiencing unhappiness. As this Harward Business Review article states, self-reflection and self-awareness to prioritise the right things in your life with the time that you have is crucial. We all have the same time at hand, how you wish to spend it defines your life.
“At a high level, our research showed that achieving better balance between professional and personal priorities boils down to a combination of reflexivity — or questioning assumptions to increase self-awareness — and intentional role redefinition. Importantly, our research suggests that this is not a one-time fix, but rather, a cycle that we must engage in continuously as our circumstances and priorities evolve.” Harward Business Review
Achieving life balance is not an easy feat, especially in a world where productivity and success are highly celebrated. Though, the pursuit of deep meaning and congruence to a life that aligns with our values and beliefs can create contentment and inner peace, which are deeper and more enduring sources of well-being than fleeting happiness.
How are you balancing your life?
